Relationship Stress
By: Cindy Alvarez
Stress is an internal process that occurs when a person is faced with a demand that is perceived to exceed the resources available to effectively respond to it, and where failure to effectively deal with the demand has important undesirable consequences.
Relationship stress triggers fight responses that make us feel like running away from everything. When this happens, our emotions and the emotions of others can seem threatening and overwhelming. Some get angry and say things they end up regretting. Either way, our inability to listen and speak intelligently in the face of relationship stress makes things worst.
By learning intelligent skills, you can learn how to stay calm and focused in the moment, and to communicate clearly and powerfully even in tense situations.
Here are some helpful steps to overcome relationship stress
Step 1: define the problem specifically- i.e. “my partner never talks to me” or “I can’t stand to be next to _ for more than two minutes.”
Step 2: relate to each of your relationship problems as feedback- i.e. assume you are partly the cause of the problem.
Step 3: identify the specific conversations and action patterns within you that are causing your relationship problems to occur or persist.
Step 4: remind yourself that these hidden patterns exist in your body, not your mind.
Step 5: take action to neutralize these hidden causes- i.e challenge your stress-producing conversations; disrupt your automatic behavior patterns; create relationship enhancing contexts.
Step 6: if your relationship problems don’t improve, repeat steps 1-5 and/or get coaching.